September 2, 2016
Businesspeople learn early in their careers the importance of a firm handshake and making eye contact when meeting others for the first time. Both the handshake and eye contact are examples of how non-verbal communication contributes to first impressions.
If a handshake can communicate so much, that’s indicative of the need to pay attention to all areas of non-verbal communication. The question then becomes: How do you improve your non-verbal communication skills as you listen to and speak with others?
Step 1: Watch yourself . . . and others. When communicating, focus on the use of your body. The goal is to increase the expressive nature of your body, when appropriate, without being overdramatic. Be aware that gestures are often more useful with groups, such as in meetings and presentations. If a person’s words fail to match his or her non-verbal cues, listen with your eyes. In most cases, the non-verbal message is more accurate.
Step 2: Maintain eye contact. Eye contact is crucial when speaking with anyone, particularly co-workers, superiors, or direct reports. It promotes trust and understanding. Try to increase eye contact when speaking with others, and see if they‘re making and maintaining eye contact with you. If someone avoids eye contact, you‘ll likely sense the person’s discomfort or dishonesty. You can ease another’s discomfort by asking questions that enhance communication.
Step 3: Work on your posture. Your mother emphasized the need to stand up straight and avoid slouching in your chair. As it turns out, Mom was giving you your first lesson in non-verbal communication. Posture is a non-verbal indicator of confidence level.
A gesture conveys a message by using one part of the body, whereas a postural shift involves the movement of the body as a whole. A closed posture (folded arms and crossed legs) indicates a closed personality and a lack of confidence. Open posture (arms spread in a relaxed manner) is a much more confident pose. Posture should also be in sync with conversations so you avoid sending mixed messages. Sit up straight. Don’t slump; it conveys disinterest and inattention. Leaning back, or rocking back and forth in your chair says you’re bored. In contrast, leaning forward when listening to someone speak demonstrates active interest in both the person and conversation.
Step 4: Straighten your desk. A sloppy desk or office sends the message that you’re disorganized and careless. Messy desks may be a symptom of a larger problem such as inefficiency, which stems from an inability to find files or other important papers. Disorganization creates stress and limits productivity. Instead of creating vertical piles on your desk, rely on to-do files that can be stored inside a drawer.
Step 5: Read your audience. If you’re making a presentation, be aware of your audience’s non-verbal communication. Watch for signs of slouching, yawning, or dozing off; this means you’ve lost their attention. If, on the other hand, the group is energized and interested, participants’ body language may convey that they want you to ask for their thoughts and input. Learning to read a group’s mood enhances your abilities as both a speaker and manager.
Step 6: Listen to your voice. Paralanguage, or paralinguistics, involves the various fluctuations in one’s voice, such as tone, pitch, rhythm, inflection, and volume. These cues can have a powerful effect on communication. A loud or very forceful tone, for example, may convey a stronger and more serious message, as compared to softer tones. Sarcasm can also cause problems in the workplace. A manager’s sarcastic tone creates stress because his tone (joking) is meant to contradict his words (hurtful or biting).
Step 7: Question yourself. Throughout the day, monitor your progress. Ask yourself: How was I perceived at the meeting? Could I have done something differently? Were people really interested and paying attention to what I was saying? Did I listen well to others? As you answer these questions, your self-awareness will increase.
None of these steps can be taken for granted. True, some people are more aware of slight distinctions of non-verbal communication than others, but everybody can learn to use the 7 steps and thereby make dramatic improvements in their ability to communicate effectively.